About Us

Lotus is a small, independent East Sussex based charity with a specialism in abuse support for women and children.

Although we primarily work with women, our aim is to work with the whole family to prevent abuse and wider safeguarding issues, and aid victim-survivors on their journey to recovery.

The charity has been accredited with the SafeLives domestic abuse Leading Lights quality standard.

We provide a range of trauma informed person-centred group and one-to-one on-line and face-to-face interventions with clear referral pathways to and from other services. Support is provided by specialist practitioners or, when appropriate, trained peer supporters. Whole Family Safety & Support Plans are developed collaboratively with the victim-survivors we support, enabling them and their children to minimise risk, live safely and recover.

Affiliations

We are a member of Women's Aid, a federation of over 180 organisations.

We work closely with SafeLives who work with specialist organisations across the UK to transform the response to domestic abuse. Last year four of our staff team, along with almost 25,000 other professionals received their training.

"The best thing about the group was not being alone, having people who 'get it' and putting the time to reflecting on things and getting practical ideas"

Mum experiencing abuse from her child

Charity Objects

To promote and protect the physical and mental health and wellbeing of women, children and their families at risk of harm and disadvantage, including those at risk of domestic abuse in all its forms, in East Sussex and the surrounding area.

Our Mission

Our mission is to break the cycle of abuse, fostering a society free from violence, by providing prevention, recovery, education, advocacy, support services, and resources for women, children and family members of all ages.

Our Vision

We envisage a world where women, children, and families create resilient futures, free from abuse, where everyone can live safely, with dignity and empowerment.

Why Language Matters When Talking About Child to Parent Violence and Abuse (CAPVA)

At Lotus, we understand that the words used to describe what you're going through can have a big impact on how you feel, how others respond, and whether you feel able to ask for help.

You might hear the term Child or Adolescent to Parent Violence and Abuse (CAPVA). It’s used to describe situations where a child or teenager uses harmful behaviours towards a parent/carer (and sometimes other family members such as siblings), like shouting, hitting, threats, or controlling actions.

We know this term can feel heavy. But we also know that for many families, it’s the first time someone has truly named what’s happening.

Why the Word “Abuse” Can Feel Difficult but Also Necessary

Some professionals feel uncomfortable using the word “abuse” when talking about children who are aggressive. They worry it might:

Label a child unfairly as a “perpetrator”
Lead to criminalisation rather than support
Make parents feel judged or blamed

Because of this, some services avoid the term altogether.

But here’s what we’ve learned from the families we support:

Parents and carers often tell us they’re relieved when we call it abuse because it finally validates the fear, confusion, and distress they’ve been living with.

They say:

“It’s the first time someone really understood how bad it’s been.”
“Calling it abuse made me feel less alone, and less like it was my fault.”

And the research backs this up. According to the 2021 review by Baker and Bonnick and the 2025 Healthwatch Central Bedfordshire report, CAPVA is one of the most stigmatised and under-recognised forms of domestic abuse. This stigma can stop families from seeking help and lead to serious misunderstandings about what’s really going on.

At Lotus, we believe that not calling it abuse can sometimes do more harm than good. It can downplay the seriousness of the situation and delay the support families urgently need.

How Using the Word “Abuse” Can Help the Child and Siblings

Using the word abuse doesn’t mean labelling a child as “bad” or beyond help. In fact, it can be a powerful step toward healing for the whole family.

For the Child Using the Behaviour:

Clarifies the seriousness of their actions and sets healthy boundaries.
Opens access to the right support, such as trauma-informed therapy or behavioural interventions.
Breaks the cycle early, helping them learn safer ways to express emotions.
Protects relationships by creating space for accountability and repair.

For Siblings:

Validates their experience, especially if they’ve witnessed or been affected by the behaviour.
Improves safety through clearer family boundaries and support planning.
Reduces guilt and confusion, helping them understand the behaviour is not their fault.
Promotes a healthier home environment for everyone.

Why Might a Child Use These Behaviours?

Most children and teens who use violence or aggression at home aren’t doing it because they’re “bad.” Often, they’re:

Overwhelmed by emotions
Struggling with trauma, anxiety, or neurodivergence
Lacking the tools to express their needs in a safe way

That doesn’t make the behaviour okay, but it does mean we need to respond with understanding, not shame.

What Language Can Help?

We don’t shy away from calling this behaviour what it is - abuse - because that’s what many families are experiencing. But we also know that softer, more accessible language can help people open up.

That’s why we also use terms like:

Explosive behaviour
Harmful or aggressive actions
Violence in the home
Family conflict

These phrases can feel more approachable, especially when you’re just starting to talk about what’s happening.

You Deserve Support

Whatever words you use, if your child’s behaviour is hurting you or making you feel unsafe, you deserve support. You are not to blame and you are not alone.

We’re here to listen, help you understand what’s going on, and work with you on practical strategies to bring more calm and connection into your home.